Sunday
Today I got back from Munich and I had a fun time. I went to Munich with the group early on Saturday and had a blast and the museum and seeing all of the historical sites. Matt L, Matt and Kim, Jeff, Ashley, and I ate wei?wurst and frank beer. We climbed a tower and got to see the alps and the most beautiful city ever. That was awesome. Then we saw the glockenspiel which didn't do its thing(There are little figurines that come out and dance around), but I got to see it work today. I went to a famous church and lit a candle and said a prayer. Then we had double expressos in a cafe. Then I was bussed back to Regensburg. Jeff and I made plans immediately to return that night by train. That was my first time on a train. When we got to Munich we checked into a youth hostel in a little double room. It was small but it served its purpose. This step came just after we bought a liter of vodka and a little mixer. We got ready... drank..... and, in true stupid style... got wasted. So then we went to go clubbing. Apparently I was so drunk that I was not allowed in the first club that Jeff and I went to... which sucked because they had already let him in. So then, we went to another club where I proceeded to make out with every guy there. Hands were down pants and there was dirtiness on the dancefloor. This is where it really gets good. So then I lose sight of Jeff. I am dancing and then all of the sudden Jeff comes up to me and is like 'I like this guy... should I kiss him' and I just smiled and was like 'Don't ask me'. So then they dance right in front of me and proceed to make out on the dance floor. I am amazed at this point that the liquor is staying down. So then I go to get my coat... can#t find my redemtion tag and so have to go get it from Jeff. Instead, I thought that it would be an excellent time to make a huge selfish scene. I, in my drunken stupor, walk over and see them making out. With the jealousy running high, I was going to put a stop to it. However, I accidentally stumbled and pushed them apart while yelling 'No, No, No' This can't be' and the top of my intoxicated lungs. So then Jeff and I get our coats and leave.... I am unable to look at him at all. I was soooo ashamed. Wait for it. Then, when we get back, he was like 'Thanks for doing that.... I have a boyfriend... I shouldn't be kissing other guys'. In a spectacular display of selfishness I go 'I didn't separate you to protect you, I stopped you because I wanted to kiss you. I have always wanted to be with you.' At this point I promptly pulled the covers over my head and refused to speak or look at him. I am a two year old, no talent ass clown. So then the next morning, we wake up and I apologiye profusely.... you know... so sorry for making us leave the club early and ruining your make out time. I am still so jealous. So then we are on the train back to Regensburg and he gets a little choked up about his boyfriend back in Atlanta. Fuck. So then I start crying... for like... the fourth time in my life. Disaster. And now I realize that its ok. Jeff and I can travel and he can be my dancing buddy and we can hang out and he has a boyfriend so he can't ditch me in a club for another boy or anything like that. We should be friends - it makes everything so less complicated. I just can't help feling, though, that I wish I could just hug him or be near him - and I don't know why. I guess I thought the reason for feeling that way was because I was attracted to him.... and I am... but maybe in a different way. I am attracted to him because of his personality and character... and the nice ass doesn't hurt either... but also because he and I connect in ways that I can't with other people. I just don't want him to leave and me be alone - no friend. Maybe I thought that if we were dating I would have more control over that problem. I just don't want him to leave and me be alone (that is, I have a billion friends and only one of them, jeff, is gay). I am just afraid of being alone - not in the regular way, but in the gay way. Quote of the day: At least we're in Munich.